Killed By The Natives.

KILLED BY THE NATIVES .

FOTOTDED os- FACT . BX BItO . SAMUEL POINTER , P . M . AND THEASITEEB , BURGOVNE , WO . 902 . — P . M . ATHEMUM , SO . 1491 . TTfcO you remember the pathetic confessions of Rob the Grinder as to the delusion

- * - ^ of associating the idea of innocence with the proprietorship of the tiny creatines Mr . Swiveller would term " the feathered warblers of the grove " ? " I ' m sure a cove might think , " said Mr . Toodle , junior , with a burst of penitence , " that singing birds was innocent company ; but nobody knows what harm is in them little creatures , ancl what thsy brings you down to ? " I wonder whether it has ever occurred to any philosopher to propound the

appalling connection that exists between profligacy ancl oysters . At the first view of the matter this would not seem a self-apparent axiom . " An oyster may be crossed in love , " so Dr . Johnson is reported to have affirmed . There is nothing in the pebbly look of the bivalve , before the murderous knife prises open his pearly hinges , to suggest demoralization . To be crossed in love expresses the verb passive—to be and to suffer , not to do . To tempt to crime and afterwards to betray to punishment represent verbs very active indeed ; and the activity of an oyster!—an oyster may be said to be tempting

in one sense certainly , but the idea of an oyster prompting a man to crime is surely too ridiculous to be seriously entertained . Kay , but let us calmly think the matter over for a while . I suppose you will not deny that , however innocently , the seductive native does , at least , suggest— " not to put too fine a point upon it , " let us say somewhat—raffish associations . There was a music-hall ballad popular a few years ago , the coloured lithographed

frontispiece of which represented a gay young blade in orthodox sables , white cravat , ancl crushed hat , enveloped in a light overcoat , and supposed to emerge from the late Mr . Gye's establishment " after the opera's over ; " but , somehow , this festive image did not call up any association with oysters . Rather , did he recall the " Cave" and Paddy Green , with his "dear boy" and his snuff-box , and "the world-renowned siffleur " Herr Von Joelwith his brimming bumper of cigarsand the announcement on the programme

, , that the veteran , in consideration of prolonged sendees , would be permanently retained on the establishment . " How long does perpetuity last in France ? " asked , with a sneer , the late " Celui-ci" after his Boulogne freak , when sentenced to imprisonment enperpetidte . Alas ! what does permanence mean anywhere ? The gruesome old party whose grisly foot , we are told on poetical

authority—• " invades alike the door Of baron's halls and hovels of the poor , " has given a practical answer to the inquiry , ancl long ago upset poor Padd y's snuff-box , and broken into smithereens the veteran whistling Herr ' s cigar tumbler . JSTo . Oysters and Evans ' s don't go together . Let us have a better eoRocation : and here , I pray in aid , as the lawyers say , the memory of some of my male readers , in

their—well , say their—fifth decade . Oysters and the opera!—why don't you combine oj r sters ancl brown sugar at once ? It wouldn't be a greater outrage . x \ o , dear readers , you who have " come to forty year , " as Thackeray charmingly sings ! Oysters and Oxberry ' —oysters ancl half-price ' to the play ! Little Bob Keeley and Alfred Wigan as the dull schoolboy and the maddened French Tutor in " To Parents and Guardians" and " Rule ' s , " and a " couple of dozen " and bread and butter ancl brown stout ancl something hot afterwards ! Ah ! Oysters in eacelsis !