Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Bulls. I.
BULLS . I .
THE term " bull " is generally associated in one s mind witu the character of an Irishman , but why this should be I cannot tell , for Ireland is not the only country which supplies us with examples of this peculiar kind of entertainment . Mr . and Miss Edge worth , in their inquiry into the etymology of Irish bulls , endeavour to account for them in this way : — " That the English , not being the mother-tongue of the natives of Ireland , to them it is a foreign language , and consequently it is scarcely within the limits of probability that thoy should avoid making blunders both in speaking and writing . "
The question , " Why are the Irish so apt to make bulls ? " received the following answer from a son of Erin : — " We never make bulls in our own language ; it is when we speak English that we do it , so they are English bulls , not Irish . " Sir Richard Steele accounted for it by saying that " he wasn't sure whether the failing was caused by the effect of climate or not , " but he thought that " if an Englishman were born in Ireland , he would be liable to the same peculiarity . "
A Bull by Edmund Burke . —In the debate on the Budget of 1772 , " The Minister , " said Edmund Burke , " comes down in state , attended by his creatures of all denominations , beasts clean and unclean . With such , however , as they are , he comes down , opens his budget , and edifies us all with his speech . What is the consequence ? One half of the House goes away . A gentleman on the opposite side gets up and harangues on the state of the
nation ; and in order to keep matters even , another half retires at the close of his speech . A third gentleman follows their example , and rids the House of another halfl" ( A loud laugh through the House ) . " Sir , " said Burke , turning the laugh with some adroitness and humour , " I take the blunder to myself , and express rny satisfaction at having said anything that can put the house in good humour . "
He was a boy . —A Suffolk farmer , whose accent was singularly broad , took his first-born child , a boy , to the clergyman of the parish for baptism . He told the divine that his name was to be John , but spoke it so like Joan , that the other concluded it at once to be a girJ , and actually performed the service appointed by the ohurch as if for a female child , without the observation of either the father , the mother , or two young women who were present . The parish clerk finding out the mistake a few days afterwards ,
went in haste to the vicar , imploring him to alter the register , or to name the child again . But the divine refused to transgress the rubrical injunction , alleging the impropriety of such an act . " I will , however , make a memorandum of the circumstance , " said he , and wrote the following at the foot of the register : — " Mom . The girl baptised on the 10 th instant by the name of Joan , proved a fortnight afterwards to be a boy 1 "
A President's Bull . —General Taylor perpetrated one of the grandest bulls on record , attaining what a literary professor described as " a perfection hardly to be surpassed . " In his presidential address , he announced to the American Congress that the United States were at peace with all the world , and continued to cherish relations of amity with the rest of mankind . "
A Farmer's Warning . —An Ohio farmer posted up the following : — " If any man ' s or woman's cows or oxens gits in these here oats , his or her tail will be cut off as the case may be . " But this is eclipsed by the following , specially forwarded to the writer by our own office boy : — "In a German parish , a by-law was made by which the muzzling order has really been put into force . The draconic order runs thus : — ' Whoever allows his dog to run about without a muzzle will be shot dead and fined 30 mark . ' "
Bismarck ' s Practical Bull . —A few years ago , an English friend of Prince Bismarck applied to him on behalf of a lady for his autograph , and Prince Bismarck replied to the lady in his own hand : — " Dear Lady — . I have the greatest objection to giving my autograph , and never do so . Very truly yours , Bismarck . "
Dumb Play . —M . Pierre Larousse has recorded a practical little " bull " committed by an honest civil functionary . The mayor of a small city in the North of France ordered one of his officials to keep an eye on the performances at the theatre . At the end of the week the magistrate received the following report : — "Mr . Mayor , everything has passed off properly at
the theatre . But in the conscientious discharge of my duty , I am compelled to inform you , that the leader of the orchestra , all whose movements 1 have scrupulously followed , has not played upon a single instrument once in the course of the week . If he goes on simply making gestures , ought I to compel him to desist ? "
A Perfect Bull . —Perhaps the most perfect bull of its kind , and one on which the mind lingers with the greatest gratification , is that recorded of Madame Talleyrand . " Oh , I am so glad , " exclaimed the lady one day at table , " that I don't like spinach I " " Why are you glad of it ? " goodnaturedly asked Talleyrand . "Because , don't you see , " the fair dame replied , " if I liked spinach then I should eat it ; and I hate it 1 "
Decided . —Two operatives in one of the Border towns were heard disputing about a cemetery , beside the elegant railing of which they were standing . One of them , evidently disliking the continental fashion in which it was being laid out , said in disgust , " I'd rather dee than be buried in sic a place . " " Weel , it's the verra reverse wi' me , " retorted the other , " for I'll be buried naewhere else , if I ' m spared . "
Uncertainty of Life . — "Noo , my good bairns , " said a schoolmaster to his class , " there ' s just another instance o' the uncertainty o' human life , ane o' your ain schulemates—a fine wee bit lassie—went to her bed hale and weel at nicht , and rose a corpse in the morning . " College Grammar . —A certain college announces , "Swimming instruction given by a teacher of both sexes . "
A Poser . —We have the story of a physician , who , conducting a postmortem examination in a case of infanticide , reported that " he was unable to discover whether the child was alive at the time of its death , or not . " Hereditary . —A gentleman , in speaking to a nobleman ' s wife of great rank and fortune , lamented very much that she had no children . A medical gentleman who was present , observed that " to have no children was a great misfortune , but he had remarked that it was hereditary in some families . "
An Officer ' s Bull . —An English Officer , during the Indian Mutiny , informed the public through the " Times , " that " thanks to the prompt measures of Colonel Edwardes , the Sepoys at Fort Machison were all unharmed and taken aback , and being called upon , laid down their arms . " A Lady ' s Dictum . —A young lady was speaking strongly to a gentle-
Bulls. I.
man upon the habit of smoking , which , she said , " must be very bad for the health . " " I don't know , " said her friend , " there is my father , who smokes every day , and he is now seventy years old . " " Well , " said the other , " if he had never smoked , he might have beon eighty . " A Naive Defence . —During a recent visit to London , a lady was one day defending her country with characteristic warmth against charges made concerning its bull-making propensities by a witty Englishman . " Well , " he at length exclaimed , " if you won't allow you commit bulls , you must at
all events confess you commit an outrageous number of murders . " Granted , " cried the Irish girl ; " yet even our murders are not at all so atrocious in their character as your English ones . " " Oh , now , now 1 " broke in the gentleman mischievously , " only listen to this girl defending her murders ! " "No , no , " she replied , " not defending , but comparing them . It is seldom you hear of an Irishman staining his own hearthstone with blood if his wife offend him ; a few hard words , or at most a few hard blows are the punishment ; but if the English boor's wife offends him , very likely she will go to bed to-night , to rise in the morning and find her throat cut . "
Considerate . —A Hibernian paterfamilias declares to his wife that he really wishes the children could be kept in the nursery while he is at home , " although , " he considerately adds , " I would not object to their noise , if they would only keep quiet . " Childless Parents . —At a dinner party in London , the conversation
running on the prospects of happiness in matrimony , a gentleman from the Emerald Isle said " that for his part he believed that man and wife got on most pleasantly together when they were childless , " and he instanced the case of his own father and mother , who , he said , " led lives of perfect felicity though they never had had a child . "
Regretting his Birth . —A kindred story to the above is told of a man who wished that his father and mother had never met , and who said that" it would have been money in his pocket if he had never been born . " Against Early Marriages . —The next Irishman who comes under our notice is married , but not very happily . Having entered into holy bonds at
the early age of nineteen , he discovers that it is much easier to get the ceremony performed than afterwards to maintain an establishment . Repenting him that he had procured a wife without the means of supporting her , he declares that " he will never marry so young again if he lives to be the age of Methuselah . "
A Droll Irishman . —Sheriff Brown recently opened an inquiry m Peterhead Courthouse , into the death of John Hanley , a convict , who was killed in the Stirlinghill Quarry by falling off a ledge of rock . Murray , one of the convicts , said that when the stone gave way he said to himself , " I'm killed , " and when he dropped , he knew he was killed . After thinking over it he found that only one leg had been bruised ; but Hanley was lying by his
side spitting up blood , and he was dead m no time . He believed the debris killed him . " At the close of this witness's examination he asked the Sheriff for permission to say a few words . He said : " My lord , I am entirely innocent of the crime I committed ; and if guilty of the crime it is one of the smallest of thefts that ever a man committed . " —The inquiry was adjourned . ( To he continued ) . " Book of Rarities , " by Edward Roberts P . M .
A New Home Industry.
A NEW HOME INDUSTRY .
THE starting of the new works belonging to the London Distilling and Yeast Company , Limited , at West Ham , marks a new era in the yeast trade in this country . It practically amounts to the commencement of anew home industry , which is always a matter of great importance to the commerce and the toiling millions of these islands . Few people have a correct idea of the enormous extent of the yeast industry in the three kingdoms . The annual consumption amounts to about 96 , 000 , 000 lbs ., of which about
28 , 000 , 000 lbs . of distilled yeast , valued at over £ 650 , 000 , are imported from the Continent . London alone consumes yearly about 12 , 000 , 000 lbs . of yeast , and the Metropolitan and general country consumption of the commodity is increasing annually . Seeing what a large proportion of this has hitherto come from abroad , it is a healthy sign of the times to see the home producer enter into competition with the foreigner . Tho capacity of this company ' s works , both for the manufacture of yeast and spirit , is very great . The
mashtuns in the distillery contain 100 , 000 gallons , the thirteen fermenting vats hold together 250 , 000 gallons , the wasbcharges have a capacity of 100 , 000 gallons , while the liquor tanks will contain 100 , 000 gallons of water . The machinery and general equipment are of the highest class . Five powerful Galloway boilers supply the steam , while the largest of the many engines in use runs up to 350 horse power . The granary affords accomodation for 5 , 000 quarters of corn . The live and rolling stock employed by the company
are unexcelled and sufficient to cope with any reasonable developement of its trade . The distillery can deal with about 1 , 200 quarters of corn per day , and this will soon be increased . The company has its own Artesian well , from which a supply of the purest water is obtained . One of its stills can deal with 4 , 000 gallons per hour , and in this department further extension is being made . The grain tanks , boiling and spend wash tanks , have a total capacity of 330 , U 00 gallons while the four reservoirs will hold up to 200 , 000 gallons .
The spirit and feint receivers have a capacity of about 40 , 000 gallons , and in the spirit and feint condensing tanks 20 , 000 gallons can be treated . The mill is very complete , and a very large staff is employed , indeed , the whole establishment is admirably adapted for the perfect production of such a perishable and necessary article as yeast , whicn requires careful handling in every stage of its manufacture . When in full work 65 , 000 lbs . per week can be produced , and , no doubt , this quantity will soon be turned out .
THE " Magazine of Art" for September will contain a special supplement devoted to the works of Sir John Millais , Bart ., P . R . A ., consisting of a special memoir by Mr . M . H . Spielmann , and numerous reproductions of the President ' s most famous pictures and portraits . The part will include two plates , viz ., a photogravure of his celebrated picture , "The Bride , " hitherto unpublished , and a steel engraving of "A Reverie . "
In view of the success which has attended the issue of " Queen's London " in monthly parts , Messrs . Cassell and Company have decided to follow the work with one of a similar character , entitled " Pictorial England andWales . " It will contain upwards of 320 full-page illustrations , reproduced from copyright photographs . Part 1 will be ready in a few days , and tho work will be completed in 11 parts .
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Bulls. I.
BULLS . I .
THE term " bull " is generally associated in one s mind witu the character of an Irishman , but why this should be I cannot tell , for Ireland is not the only country which supplies us with examples of this peculiar kind of entertainment . Mr . and Miss Edge worth , in their inquiry into the etymology of Irish bulls , endeavour to account for them in this way : — " That the English , not being the mother-tongue of the natives of Ireland , to them it is a foreign language , and consequently it is scarcely within the limits of probability that thoy should avoid making blunders both in speaking and writing . "
The question , " Why are the Irish so apt to make bulls ? " received the following answer from a son of Erin : — " We never make bulls in our own language ; it is when we speak English that we do it , so they are English bulls , not Irish . " Sir Richard Steele accounted for it by saying that " he wasn't sure whether the failing was caused by the effect of climate or not , " but he thought that " if an Englishman were born in Ireland , he would be liable to the same peculiarity . "
A Bull by Edmund Burke . —In the debate on the Budget of 1772 , " The Minister , " said Edmund Burke , " comes down in state , attended by his creatures of all denominations , beasts clean and unclean . With such , however , as they are , he comes down , opens his budget , and edifies us all with his speech . What is the consequence ? One half of the House goes away . A gentleman on the opposite side gets up and harangues on the state of the
nation ; and in order to keep matters even , another half retires at the close of his speech . A third gentleman follows their example , and rids the House of another halfl" ( A loud laugh through the House ) . " Sir , " said Burke , turning the laugh with some adroitness and humour , " I take the blunder to myself , and express rny satisfaction at having said anything that can put the house in good humour . "
He was a boy . —A Suffolk farmer , whose accent was singularly broad , took his first-born child , a boy , to the clergyman of the parish for baptism . He told the divine that his name was to be John , but spoke it so like Joan , that the other concluded it at once to be a girJ , and actually performed the service appointed by the ohurch as if for a female child , without the observation of either the father , the mother , or two young women who were present . The parish clerk finding out the mistake a few days afterwards ,
went in haste to the vicar , imploring him to alter the register , or to name the child again . But the divine refused to transgress the rubrical injunction , alleging the impropriety of such an act . " I will , however , make a memorandum of the circumstance , " said he , and wrote the following at the foot of the register : — " Mom . The girl baptised on the 10 th instant by the name of Joan , proved a fortnight afterwards to be a boy 1 "
A President's Bull . —General Taylor perpetrated one of the grandest bulls on record , attaining what a literary professor described as " a perfection hardly to be surpassed . " In his presidential address , he announced to the American Congress that the United States were at peace with all the world , and continued to cherish relations of amity with the rest of mankind . "
A Farmer's Warning . —An Ohio farmer posted up the following : — " If any man ' s or woman's cows or oxens gits in these here oats , his or her tail will be cut off as the case may be . " But this is eclipsed by the following , specially forwarded to the writer by our own office boy : — "In a German parish , a by-law was made by which the muzzling order has really been put into force . The draconic order runs thus : — ' Whoever allows his dog to run about without a muzzle will be shot dead and fined 30 mark . ' "
Bismarck ' s Practical Bull . —A few years ago , an English friend of Prince Bismarck applied to him on behalf of a lady for his autograph , and Prince Bismarck replied to the lady in his own hand : — " Dear Lady — . I have the greatest objection to giving my autograph , and never do so . Very truly yours , Bismarck . "
Dumb Play . —M . Pierre Larousse has recorded a practical little " bull " committed by an honest civil functionary . The mayor of a small city in the North of France ordered one of his officials to keep an eye on the performances at the theatre . At the end of the week the magistrate received the following report : — "Mr . Mayor , everything has passed off properly at
the theatre . But in the conscientious discharge of my duty , I am compelled to inform you , that the leader of the orchestra , all whose movements 1 have scrupulously followed , has not played upon a single instrument once in the course of the week . If he goes on simply making gestures , ought I to compel him to desist ? "
A Perfect Bull . —Perhaps the most perfect bull of its kind , and one on which the mind lingers with the greatest gratification , is that recorded of Madame Talleyrand . " Oh , I am so glad , " exclaimed the lady one day at table , " that I don't like spinach I " " Why are you glad of it ? " goodnaturedly asked Talleyrand . "Because , don't you see , " the fair dame replied , " if I liked spinach then I should eat it ; and I hate it 1 "
Decided . —Two operatives in one of the Border towns were heard disputing about a cemetery , beside the elegant railing of which they were standing . One of them , evidently disliking the continental fashion in which it was being laid out , said in disgust , " I'd rather dee than be buried in sic a place . " " Weel , it's the verra reverse wi' me , " retorted the other , " for I'll be buried naewhere else , if I ' m spared . "
Uncertainty of Life . — "Noo , my good bairns , " said a schoolmaster to his class , " there ' s just another instance o' the uncertainty o' human life , ane o' your ain schulemates—a fine wee bit lassie—went to her bed hale and weel at nicht , and rose a corpse in the morning . " College Grammar . —A certain college announces , "Swimming instruction given by a teacher of both sexes . "
A Poser . —We have the story of a physician , who , conducting a postmortem examination in a case of infanticide , reported that " he was unable to discover whether the child was alive at the time of its death , or not . " Hereditary . —A gentleman , in speaking to a nobleman ' s wife of great rank and fortune , lamented very much that she had no children . A medical gentleman who was present , observed that " to have no children was a great misfortune , but he had remarked that it was hereditary in some families . "
An Officer ' s Bull . —An English Officer , during the Indian Mutiny , informed the public through the " Times , " that " thanks to the prompt measures of Colonel Edwardes , the Sepoys at Fort Machison were all unharmed and taken aback , and being called upon , laid down their arms . " A Lady ' s Dictum . —A young lady was speaking strongly to a gentle-
Bulls. I.
man upon the habit of smoking , which , she said , " must be very bad for the health . " " I don't know , " said her friend , " there is my father , who smokes every day , and he is now seventy years old . " " Well , " said the other , " if he had never smoked , he might have beon eighty . " A Naive Defence . —During a recent visit to London , a lady was one day defending her country with characteristic warmth against charges made concerning its bull-making propensities by a witty Englishman . " Well , " he at length exclaimed , " if you won't allow you commit bulls , you must at
all events confess you commit an outrageous number of murders . " Granted , " cried the Irish girl ; " yet even our murders are not at all so atrocious in their character as your English ones . " " Oh , now , now 1 " broke in the gentleman mischievously , " only listen to this girl defending her murders ! " "No , no , " she replied , " not defending , but comparing them . It is seldom you hear of an Irishman staining his own hearthstone with blood if his wife offend him ; a few hard words , or at most a few hard blows are the punishment ; but if the English boor's wife offends him , very likely she will go to bed to-night , to rise in the morning and find her throat cut . "
Considerate . —A Hibernian paterfamilias declares to his wife that he really wishes the children could be kept in the nursery while he is at home , " although , " he considerately adds , " I would not object to their noise , if they would only keep quiet . " Childless Parents . —At a dinner party in London , the conversation
running on the prospects of happiness in matrimony , a gentleman from the Emerald Isle said " that for his part he believed that man and wife got on most pleasantly together when they were childless , " and he instanced the case of his own father and mother , who , he said , " led lives of perfect felicity though they never had had a child . "
Regretting his Birth . —A kindred story to the above is told of a man who wished that his father and mother had never met , and who said that" it would have been money in his pocket if he had never been born . " Against Early Marriages . —The next Irishman who comes under our notice is married , but not very happily . Having entered into holy bonds at
the early age of nineteen , he discovers that it is much easier to get the ceremony performed than afterwards to maintain an establishment . Repenting him that he had procured a wife without the means of supporting her , he declares that " he will never marry so young again if he lives to be the age of Methuselah . "
A Droll Irishman . —Sheriff Brown recently opened an inquiry m Peterhead Courthouse , into the death of John Hanley , a convict , who was killed in the Stirlinghill Quarry by falling off a ledge of rock . Murray , one of the convicts , said that when the stone gave way he said to himself , " I'm killed , " and when he dropped , he knew he was killed . After thinking over it he found that only one leg had been bruised ; but Hanley was lying by his
side spitting up blood , and he was dead m no time . He believed the debris killed him . " At the close of this witness's examination he asked the Sheriff for permission to say a few words . He said : " My lord , I am entirely innocent of the crime I committed ; and if guilty of the crime it is one of the smallest of thefts that ever a man committed . " —The inquiry was adjourned . ( To he continued ) . " Book of Rarities , " by Edward Roberts P . M .
A New Home Industry.
A NEW HOME INDUSTRY .
THE starting of the new works belonging to the London Distilling and Yeast Company , Limited , at West Ham , marks a new era in the yeast trade in this country . It practically amounts to the commencement of anew home industry , which is always a matter of great importance to the commerce and the toiling millions of these islands . Few people have a correct idea of the enormous extent of the yeast industry in the three kingdoms . The annual consumption amounts to about 96 , 000 , 000 lbs ., of which about
28 , 000 , 000 lbs . of distilled yeast , valued at over £ 650 , 000 , are imported from the Continent . London alone consumes yearly about 12 , 000 , 000 lbs . of yeast , and the Metropolitan and general country consumption of the commodity is increasing annually . Seeing what a large proportion of this has hitherto come from abroad , it is a healthy sign of the times to see the home producer enter into competition with the foreigner . Tho capacity of this company ' s works , both for the manufacture of yeast and spirit , is very great . The
mashtuns in the distillery contain 100 , 000 gallons , the thirteen fermenting vats hold together 250 , 000 gallons , the wasbcharges have a capacity of 100 , 000 gallons , while the liquor tanks will contain 100 , 000 gallons of water . The machinery and general equipment are of the highest class . Five powerful Galloway boilers supply the steam , while the largest of the many engines in use runs up to 350 horse power . The granary affords accomodation for 5 , 000 quarters of corn . The live and rolling stock employed by the company
are unexcelled and sufficient to cope with any reasonable developement of its trade . The distillery can deal with about 1 , 200 quarters of corn per day , and this will soon be increased . The company has its own Artesian well , from which a supply of the purest water is obtained . One of its stills can deal with 4 , 000 gallons per hour , and in this department further extension is being made . The grain tanks , boiling and spend wash tanks , have a total capacity of 330 , U 00 gallons while the four reservoirs will hold up to 200 , 000 gallons .
The spirit and feint receivers have a capacity of about 40 , 000 gallons , and in the spirit and feint condensing tanks 20 , 000 gallons can be treated . The mill is very complete , and a very large staff is employed , indeed , the whole establishment is admirably adapted for the perfect production of such a perishable and necessary article as yeast , whicn requires careful handling in every stage of its manufacture . When in full work 65 , 000 lbs . per week can be produced , and , no doubt , this quantity will soon be turned out .
THE " Magazine of Art" for September will contain a special supplement devoted to the works of Sir John Millais , Bart ., P . R . A ., consisting of a special memoir by Mr . M . H . Spielmann , and numerous reproductions of the President ' s most famous pictures and portraits . The part will include two plates , viz ., a photogravure of his celebrated picture , "The Bride , " hitherto unpublished , and a steel engraving of "A Reverie . "
In view of the success which has attended the issue of " Queen's London " in monthly parts , Messrs . Cassell and Company have decided to follow the work with one of a similar character , entitled " Pictorial England andWales . " It will contain upwards of 320 full-page illustrations , reproduced from copyright photographs . Part 1 will be ready in a few days , and tho work will be completed in 11 parts .