Telegraphic Blunders.

TELEGRAPHIC BLUNDERS .

MOST of us are familiar with the story of the old lady who boasted that she knew all about the electric telegraph , but failed to understand one thing only , and that was how the messages got past the poles . In the earlier days of telegraphy , the electricians were , comparatively speaking , almost as ignorant as the old lady upon some points , and it is only since the inventions of Edison that the science has nearly approached perfection . At the time to

which I have just referred , the fact was not known that one wire and needle could be made to represent several letters of the alphabet . Continued improvements , however , had reduced the number of wires and needles to five , but still it was discovered that with all the scientific advancements made upon the instrument , it was impossible to form the letter " q . " At this time the

ingenuity of a telegraphist was the means of capturing a notorious murderer , the story being as follows : —On 1 st January 1845 , a daring murder was committed at Salt Hill , near Slough , by a Quaker named John Tawell , a returned convict , who afterwards effected his escape by train to London . A clergyman gave the alarm at the Slough telegraph station , and a telegram was sent to

Paddington , giving particulars of the man s appearance . The telegram was received at Paddington , and as the instrument was unprovided with the letter " q " as a signal , the clerk at Slough had no alternative but to substitute for the missing letter another one , and the murderer was accordingly described as a " kwaker . "

But the warning answered the purposo intended , for when the train by which the murderer was travelling arrived at the Paddington terminus , a detective was waiting for his man , who was closely followed to every place he went , and apprehended on the following day .

Tawell , at one time a member of the Society of Friends , had recently returned from Sydney , New South Wales , on a ticket-ofleave for forgery on the Uxbridge Bank . He resided at Borkhampstead , where he was reputed to be a man of property . When tried at the Aylesbury Assizes for poisoning Sarah Hart

at Slough , Tawell earned for his advocate the soubriquet of Applepip Kelly , the legal gentleman making a hopeless effort to explain the presence of prussic acid by the evidence of a large number of apples and their pips eaten by the deceased . The culprit , who was subsequently hanged , was the first criminal captured by means of the electric telegraph .

If all the blunders met with in newspaper telegrams could be collected together , they would form a book of considerable size . Various reasons are given to account for the mistakes , tho principal one being that the clerks and transcribers are to blame . No doubt on the other hand many of them are cautious aud painstaking , but few we opine , are so ultra-careful as that operator referred to

by Mr . Labouchere , M . P ., m " Truth . " That gentleman says : — "I have the following story , vouched for by a trustworthy correspondent . A gentleman went into a London post office to dispatch a message partly in German . The message so written contained the word damit ( therewith ) . The intelligent clerk took the Teutonic adverb for a ' swear word , ' and declined to transmit the message until another was substituted . "

According to a Manchester paper of August 1885 , " some very curious mistakes were made by London telegraph clerks . Mr . Gladstone spoke in the House of Commons of ' Egyptian bankruptcy , ' but a leading Provincial daily received the words over its private wire as ' Egyptian hanky panky . ' In another speech , the reporter at the end of a sentence wrote , ' Loud and long continued cheering , ' but the telegraphist rendered the phrase , ' Lord O'Leary

continued cheering . ' On a third occasion a speaker , who claimed that the late Government had for once been 'just in time , ' was by the wire represented as having declared that ' Jesus is mine ;' while only on the Saturday previous , in a description published by a contemporary of the Prorogation of Parliament , the fact of the Lord Chancellor having approached the woolsack , was telegraphed •having approached the Rolls Act . '"

" Growth of happiness , " as given hy a lecturer , was converted into " groans of happiness . " A well-known refreshment caterer in Manchester once received an order for four hundred beans , when

buns were required . A few years ago a message was received at a certain town in the North of England , addressed , " The Chief Baconstablo , " which after going round to all the bacon factors in the town , was ultimately delivered to the Chief Constable , for whom it was intended .

A member of the Masonic fraternity telegraphed to a person at a distance , " Make room for ten Royal Arch Masons—coming to-day . " When the Companions arrived , they found that a pen had been built for their accommodation , the telegram at its destination reading , " Make room for ten RAMS—coming to-day . " A gentleman who had ordered his gig to await him at the . station ,

was understood from the telegram to require the attendance of his pig . Another message , through bad spacing and bad writing combined , produced the address " Mice Cavern , " instead of " Mitre Tavern . " A man once lay ill—dying . His friends , anxious for the best advice , had arranged for a visit from an eminent doctor residing in a town many miles away . Before the doctor's answer

had been received the patient died , whereupon a message was immediately sent on to stop the physician ' s departure—" Don't come too late , " on which he hurried away at once to relieve the seemingly great anxiety of the relatives . A poor person wishing tc intimate that her daughter was ill , wrote , " Mary is bad , " which was rendered , " Mary is dead . "

An instance of failing signals , possibly from so simple a cause as a particle of grit , or the intermittent touch of the wet bough oi a tree , is this : — " Alfred doing well , enjoyed egg to-day . " It waa received , " Alfred dying , enjoyed 99 to-day . " A student , anxiously awaiting the result of an examination , was not relieved from suspense on receipt of a telegram containing the words " First or last . " A repetition of the message , however , conveyed the gratifying intelligence that he was " First on list . " A telegram , instead of

Telegraphic Blunders.

announcing the advent of " a fine daughter , " informed the anxious father that his wife had presented him with " five daughters . " A pleasure party wishing to let their friends know of their safety , telegraphed home , " arrived all right , " but the scandalised recipients got tho message , " arrived all tight . "

A noble lord was just rising to speak at a Parliamentary debate when he received a telegram . Having read it . ho shortly afterwards left tho House , jumped into a cab , drove to Charing Cross , and took the train to Dover . Next day he returned home , rushed into his wife ' s room , and , finding her there , upbraided the astonished lady in no very measured terms , she meanwhile protesting that

she had done nothing to warrant such conduct upon his part . He angrily produced the telegram , when she read , "I flee with Mr . to Dover straight . Pray for me . " For a moment the lady was amazed , then burst into a merry fit of laughter . " Oh , those dreadful telegraph people ! " she exclaimed . " No wonder you are nearly out of your mind . I telegraphed simply : ' I tea with Mrs . in Dover Street . Stay for me . ' "

Is it possible to judge tho feelings of the Lincolnshire clergyman , who arrived home just in time to intercept his wife as she was on the point of " going back to her mother ! " She had received a telegram for her husband saying , " The little darlings are doing well and looking lovely ; send money for their board ; " and it took all the clergyman ' s eloquence to convince her that tho littlo darlings were a couple of rarely bred pups he had bought in New York , and left in chargo of a dog fancier .

A well-known politician being ill at Toronto , this message was sent by wire to his family : " Mr . Brown is no worse . " The family got it— " Mr . Brown is no more , " and at once sent on a special train for his remains . The following message was sent from Chicago : —" Wait letter betore writing Marsh , " and was received in this form— " Wash your hands before writing'again . "

A St . Louis merchant , while in New York , received a telegram notifying that his wife was ill . He sent a message to the family doctor asking the nature of tho sickness and inquiring if there was any danger , receiving this reply : — " No danger , your wife has had a child ; if we can keep her from having another to-night she will do well . " The mortificaton of the husband was not removed until a second inquiry revealed the fact that the indisposed lady had had a chill .

A teacher once telegraphed to Burlington with regard to a vacancy in a school there . " Shall I come , or is the place filled ? " was the form of inquiry which ho sent , to which the following answer was quickly returned : — "No ! Place filled on the 17 th . " The telegraph operator received it , "Noplace filled on the 17 th , " and tho applicant went to Burlington , being minus his railway expenses and also disappointed in not getting the position .

One hardly feels surprised that a Java editor should gravely inform his readers that it was proposed to " Brand the Speaker of the English House of Commons , " his authority being this message from Baron Reuter : — " Proposed Brand Speaker . " During the revolutionary excitement in 1848 , it was reported in the papers that the King of Prussia had abdicated . The mistake

originated with the electric telegraph , which sent the following despatch : " The—King—of—Prussia—has—gone—to—Pot— . " In another minute , the communication was on its way to a newspaper office . Not long after , however , the dial was again agitated , and then " s—dam , " making it read thus— " The King has gone to Potsdam . "

A short time sinco one of the evening papers came out with a sensational heading about a riot at a Provincial Union , where it was stated 101 of the inmates had refused to obey the orders of the Master . . This was padded up and appeared a really serious matter .

Later on came the explanation : the reporter in writing the message had abbreviated in usual press style , writing " | " for " the " and " o" for of , so that the message as sent was , one . of the inmates , & c . 1 " Book of Rarities , " by Bro . Edward Roberts P . M .

Masonic Sonnets, No. 99.

Masonic Sonnets , No . 99 .

BY BRO . CHAS . F . FOBSHAW , LL . D ., 295 and 2417 ( E . C . ) Hon . Mem 1242 ( E . C . ) and 24 ( S . C . ) . — : o : — TEMPERANCE .

LET the strong mind keep mighty passions down , Base thoughts , base deeds and baser inclination ; Let the true heart have Faith ' mid smile and frown Until the soul gains perfect consummation . Temperance iu all things should our motto be , It is a password to diviner things , —

To that Grand Lodge where sits in Majesty The Greatest Builder and the King of Kings When hot resentment , anger , spleen and pride , Struggle to reign triumphant and supreme , Let us ignore , defeat , and still deride

The words that flood us 'neath their swelling strain Thus shall we rise victorious from the fray And find a sungleam on the darkest day I Winder House , Bradford , 1 st August 1894 .

LIFE membership is peculiarly an American Institution so far as it relates to Masonic bodies . They know no such a thing as life members in English Masonic bodies or on the Continent . — " Keystone . "