Blunders.

BLUNDERS .

rpHE humour of t > is wo M would be very circumscribed if blunders J were c -nfin-c ! t ¦ trut e ' nss if popl > alone of which Mrs . Mulaprop is a notable ( x ; i : npl-, —thoso people who apply the inopportune word , or u-to obs i virions i » tirely out i f season . " Ah ! few gentlemen nowadays k ' ow hi w to v . iluo tho inttf TII a' qualities in a woman ! " was ono of her rlmruet 'listio rematkd whioh is very

familiar , nnd wilt lonj ? br t ' n .-nrei' . Absnrd blunders i . re i . ftun c . mnntUul by thoso who claim to bo educated people , and through a vuroty of causes almost unexplainable . Sometimes they ore the result of ignorance , but more often of pure accident , as in tho following story , of whioh Mr . Anthony Trollope is the narrator .

Altering a motto : — " One of Oliver CromwelPs Ironsides , after the oiril wars , settled down as landlord of a village inn . True to his training , he selecto 1 a scriptural motto for his signboard , on which he inscribed the words : —" God oucompasseth us . " The words

became obliterated through timp , but something of their sound remained , and when long after the signboard was renewed by a new landlord , the mott ) re-appeared , with a blundering , but moro suitable device in tbe centre , viz ., " The Goat and Compasses . " ,,

Tnsaand's Blunder : —A very riduculous blunder was once made by Madame Tussauu in connection with the waxwork effigy of a notorious poisoner : it was contained in the announcement that "Dr . Palmer was executed afc Stiffurd with two hundred cither celebrities . "

An M . P . at fault : —A Loudon correspondent once pointed out a blander whioh was committed by Mr . Mantz , the member for Birmingham . Tbe House was discussing the Civil Service estimates , and in the vole for Mining Inspectors there was an item for " clerical assistance . " The honourable member expressed his

objection in these words : " He did not know that the mining inspectors were such very wicked people that they required clergymen to be kept to look after their spiritual condition . " The House roared ; and the hononrable gentleman joined in the merriment when he received the explanation that " clerical assistance " meant the assistance of clerks , and not of clergymen .

Loudon T . London : —Mr . John Claudius Loudon , a landscape gardener and writer upon agrioultnre , once communicated with the Duke of Wellington , asking permission to pay a visit to tbe residence of the latter at Strathfieldsaye , for the purpose of inspecting the magnificent beeches growing there . As the writing was very illegible , the Coke

was entirely mistaken both as to the name of the sender ( whom he thonght was the Bishop of London ) , and the particular request conveyed in the letter ( which he understood referred to breeches ) , Accordingly the reply was wrongly addressed by the Iron Duke to

Dr . Bloomfield , Bishop of London , as follows : — " My dear lord , I shall always be glad to see you at Stratbfioldsaye , and my servant shall show you as many pairs of my breeches as you choose to inspect ; bnt what you want to see them for is quite beyond me . —Yours , & c . Wellington . "

Unconscious Irony . —The well-known Sergeant Adams , trying a case of nuisance , on his summing up gave the jury au explanation of tbe offence in question of extraordinary length . Before they retired bo expressed a hope that the jurymen had understood the points which he had laid before them . " Oh , yes , my Lord , " said the foreman , " wo are all agreed tbst we never knew what a nuisance was until wo heard yuur lordship summing np . "

Arkwright ' s Blunder . —It is said that by a certain clause in the will of Bichard Arkwright , the inventor of the spinning jenny , a Bum of ninety thousand pounds was literally thrown away . Intending to benefit his daughter , he left the sum of one millioa sterling to his son-in-law , Sir E . Wigram . Tbe legatee being a stranger in

blood to the testator , bad to pay logacy-dnty at the rate of ten per oent ., or one hundred thousaud pounds , whereas had Mr . Arkwright ' s daughter been legatee instead of her husband , the amount to pay would have been only at tbe rate of oue per cent ., or tea thousand pounds .

Interrupting the Speaker : —A firm of well-known German merchants formerly trading in Portland Street , Manchester , and also at Bradford , Yorkshire , promoted a pio-nio for the benefit of their employes , which took place afc a village some few miles distant from the latter town . Two or three of the masters , together with the

heads of the various departments from both houses accompanied the pio-nic party , by way—I suppose—of casting a nuance of respectability over the assembly . The services of a local band had been obtained , sports of various kinds provided and a commodious tent erected , where a substantial banquet had been supplied by the

liberality of fche employers . The inevitable speeches followed from tho principals , and were accepted with the usual acclamations , for an employe often looks upon his superior with a certain amount of reverence , just as the Chinese regard tho Grand Lama with a degree of awe . A member of the firm was in the midst of an interesting speech , having just reverted to the successful meeting , and was

promising another re-union , which , if-it did not rival the present one , should at least not fall very far short of it , when the band , through some blundering signal struck up " Not for Joe , " a tune which at that time was a very popular one . Tho speaker recognised thc hamonr of the tone and circumstances , burst into laughter , and immediately resumed his seat to the amusement of his audience .

Badly Expressed : —We do not kcow whether the recipient of the following letter felt amused or enraged on reading it . It was written by a Buckinghamshire farmer to a distinguished scientific agriculturist , to whom ho felt under obligation for introducing a varfe ^ y of

awine : " Respected sir , —I went yesterday to a fair at A— , I found several pigs of your species . There was a great variety of beasts , and I was greatly astonished afc nofc seeing you there . " Ilere is another from an illiterate farmer , who , wishing to enter somo

Blunders.

animals at an agricultural exhibition , wrote as follows to the Secretary of tbe Society : " Enter me also for a jackass . I hive no doubt of gaining a prize . " ... Emphatic : — " Sur . My Wiuf is ded and wonts fco bo berried to

morrcv , at wonuer kiosk . U nose wair to dig the Hole—by the said of my too nthor Wiafs . Let it be deep ! '' were the peremptory although perhaps not lucid instructions of a bereaved husbani to hia undertaker .

Paradoxical : — " My lord , " said the foreman of a Welsh jury , when giving in the verdict , " we find tho man who stole the mare not guilty . " Mrs . Grunly says : —During the rage for spelling bees , a clergyman was " turned out , " as fche term waa understoood , at a

fashionable assembly for spelling drunkenness with one " n . . Upon his return fco the parish whero he held his ministrations , he found him . self very coldly received by his parishioners , and accordingly sent for the parish clerk to learn fcho cause . " Well , sir , " was the answer of fche man , " a report has reached here thafc you were turned out ; of a

great lady ' s house in London for drunkenness . " Perplexing : — " I say , old fellow , whafc are your politics ? " asked one friend of another . . "Conservative—my father was a opnservative , " he replied .. " And whafc is your religion . ? '' continued the

other . " Protestant—my father was a Protestant , ' waa fche answer " Aud why are you a bachelor ? '' persisted his friend , " Because my father was a—oh , confound it , dou ' t bother me with suqh stupid auestions . "

The following is a rich specimen of a blunder once perpetrated by a bell-ringer in Cork .. Caution : — " 0 yis ! 0 yis ! Lost somewhere between-twelve o'clock and MoKinney's store , in Market Street , a large brass key . I'll not be after telling yees whafc it is , but ifcs tbe key of tbe bank sure . "

Irishisms : — In the Irish Bank Bill , passed in 1808 , there is a clause providing that the profit shall be equally divided , and that the residue shall go to the governor . " Shore , which is the' entrance ont ? " was the question which a bewildered son of Erin once asked at a railway station . That was a provident Irishman who went to

get his life insured , " so that , when he died be could have something to live on , and not be dependent upon the cowld charities of the world , as he once was . " It was an Irish handbill that announced with boundless liberality in reference ti a great political ddmdustra . tion in the Botnnda , Dublin , that " ladies without distinction of sex would be welcome . " r

, An Illogical Revenge : —Daring the Irish rebellion in 1798 , the rebels , who had conceived a violent hatred against [ a great Dublin banker , adopted a very extraordinary method of revenging themselves

? pon him , in passing a resolntion that they would burn his notes . They accordingly did so , forgetting that by this action they were cancelling his debts , and fchab every note so destroyed put a corresponding value into the banker ' s pocket . , ;

Irish Divines : —The clerics of Ireland have always be « m noted for their eccentricities . None but a clergyman from beyoncj the Channel would , on being appointed to preach a " condemned " sermon , have selected an old University discourse , and have promised the

unfortunate criminal who was to bo hanged on the morrow , thafc the remainder of the homily should be given on the nexfc Sunday . And we may be certain that none bufc an Irish clergyman would have divided hia sermon into part- , firtfc aldressing those who were present , and afterwards thoso who were absent .

Eival Echoes : —On hearing an Eoglish gentleman speaking in praise of the Eigle'a Nest e-jho , ( Killaraey ) , which repeats the sound several times , Pat promptly replied : " Paifcb , sir , that ' s nothing et all to the fine echo in my father's garden in Galway , for if you say to it , ' How do yon do , Paddy Blake ? ' it will immediately make answer : ' Pretty well , I thank you sir . '" ?

Pat ' s Toasfc : —At a dinner party iu Prance , a toast ' was given , " The land we live in . " " Wifch all my soul , " responded an Irishman who was present , " here's to poor ould Ireland !" "Bock of . Earities , " by Bro . EDWARD ROBERTS P . M . Asst . Prov . G . T .

It was understood that Arnold Allan Cecil Kcppal , Viscount Bury , M . P . for Birkenhead , would be proposed yesterday ( Friday ) evening as a member of tho flock Lodge , No . 1289 , Birkenhead . He was to be proposed by Bro . John Daken P . M ., and seconded by Bro . C . S . Dean W . M . of the Lodge .

The Eccentric Clnb has of lato more than justified its name . Its premises at Piccadilly Circus aro , if not palatini , at all events something more than comfortable , and the attendance is always attractive , and the fun merry and extensive till the small hours of the morning . The Eccentric

is , however , not to be left behind in its elder brother of the Savage , and it is to have a Freemason ' s Lodge attached to it . Tho Prince of Wales , as Grand Master , has just authorised the formation of the Lodge , of which Sir

Augustus Harris is denominated iu the Warrant the first Worshipful Master . The new Lodge will meet at tho Cafo Royal in Regent Street , and the consecration is to tako ulaco ou Friday weeks