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MIDLAND RAILWAY . Cheap Excursions from St . Pancras & other London Stations . A FORTNIGHT IN IRELAND . Every Friday , until 24 th September inclusive , to Dublin , Ballina , Sligo , and South of Ireland ; and every Saturday , until 25 th September inclusive , to Londonderry . Also fortnightly excursions to Belfast , Londonderry , Portrush , & c , on alternate Fridays , from 16 th July to 24 th September inclusive . See bills for times , fares , routes , & c . FORTNIGHTLY EXCURSIONS TO SCOTLAND . For 5 , 11 , or 16 days . From Friday , 16 th July to 24 th September inclusive , for 11 days ( on 30 th July for 8 days ) , from St . Pancras at 9-15 p . m ., to Edinburgh , Glasgow , Helensburgh , and other North British Stations ; and at 10 * 0 p . m . to Carlisle , Glasgow , Ayr , Kilmarnock , G . and S . W . Line , and Newton Stewart , Stranraer , Wigtown , and Whithorn . Also on above dates , for 5 or 11 days ( on 30 th July for 4 or 9 days ) , from St . Pancras at 9 * 15 p . m ., to Stirling , Perth , Dundee , Arbroath , Forfar , Brechin , Montrose , Stonehaven , Aberdeen , Inverness , Fort William , & c . Return tickets at a third class single or . linary fare for the double journey will also be issued by the above trains to return any day within sixteen days from date of issue . Also fortnightly excursions to North of England , for 11 or 16 days ( ou 30 th July for 8 or 16 days ) , from Friday , 16 th July to 24 th September inclusive , from St . Pancras at 8 * 30 p . m . Alternate Fridays to Northallerton , Richmond , Darlington , Durham , Newcastle , and Berwick . NEW CHEAP WEEKLY EXCURSIONS . ISLE OF MAN . Every Friday at Midnight , and every Saturday at 5 * 15 a . m . and 10-5 a . m . until 24 th and 25 th September inclusive . Also every Saturday , from 10 th July to 4 th September , at 9-0 a . m ., to Douglas , Isle of Man , for 3 , 8 , 10 , 15 or 17 days . Also every Saturday until 25 th September inclusive , to English Lake District , Morecambe , Lancaster , Liverpool , Southport , Blackpool , Matlock , Buxton , & c , for 3 , 8 , 10 , 15 or 17 days . See Bills for times . Tickets , Bills , Week-end Excursion Programme , Lodging Lists , & c , may be had at the Midland Stations and City Booking Offices , and from Thos . Cook and Son , Ludgate Circus , and Branch Offices . GEO . H . TURNER , General Manager .

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^ BSSV JW > n SWSg gjpm * WfWAV ZBE ) a ^^^^ W ^^ a SATUEDAY , 10 TH JULY 1897 .

Hoaxes.

HOAXES .

DR . Isaac Barrow , in his celebrated sermon " Against "Foolish Talking , " tells us that Aristotle places the practice of jesting in the rank of virtues . Now a jest , when perpetrated by a true humourist , is robbed of half of its sting by the neatness of its execution , or by the novelty of its method ; but when performed spitefully , or through sordid motives , or when it adopts the uncompromising guise of a hoax , it cannot reasonabl y be excused or paliated .

The poet Byron once said to his friend , Captain Trelawney , that the ruling passion in the human breast is not ambition , power , or love of praise , but " malignity , " and it would be an interesting study to trace how far his lordship ' s dictum is justified by thc writings and actions of some of our greatest geniuses , who , unhappily , were not free from this particular vice . Tillotson assures us that the term hoax is derived from Hocus ? pocus , hoax being a corruption of hocus , which was itself a corruption of the Hoc

est corpus of the mass . The word having a religious derivation , it does not seem incompatible with the general order of things that the highest representatives of the Church should sometimes have been made victims of this stupid sort of recreation . Leo Taxil , a recent but very humble addition to the ranks of Chatterton and Theodore Hook , has not hesitated to impose upon the credulity of his Pontificial Highness Leo XIII . by the Diana

Vaughan business—the greatest hoax of modern times—in which Freemasonry has unfortunately played a very prominent part , although as an unconscious factor ] If ' however , His Holiness feels aggrieved in being victimised by a man whom admittedly he honoured with episcopal letters , and received in audience , he may find consolation in the fact that a notorious predecessor set an unworthy example in this form of fooling , the particulars of which I now relate .

A POPE ' S EXPEDIENT . —Felix Poretti , whose zeal in preparing the bull against Queen Elizabeth of England gained for him the position of Cardinal Montalto ( 1570 ) , ultimately attained to the higher dignity of Pope of Rome under the title of Sixtus , or Sextus V . His father was a vine-dresser near Fermo , and his indigent circumstances compelled him to send his son into the service of a farmer , whose pigs and sheep he tended . From this obscure

position the lad emerged into what has been described as " the most extraordinary man of tbe 16 th century . " While inquisitor at Venice he quarrelled with the Senate , and found safety in flight from the territories of the Republic , his excuse for such an undignified proceeding being that "having made a vow to be Pope at Rome , he did not think it politic to stay and be hanged in Venice .

Upon the death of Gregory XIII . the vacancy caused quite a ferment , various factions and cabals springing into existence , and disorder of the worst kind became rampant , extending even to robbery of the nobility and people , and pillage of the churches . Montalto , whose apparent bodily

Hoaxes.

infirmities ( simulated for fifteen years ) kept him aloof from these disturbances , occupied his time in revising works which he had lately published . When the outrages were brought before the notice of the conclave , Montalto said , " I hope God will soon givo us a Pope who will put an end to these disorders , " to which Cardinal Farnese rejoined , " If you should happen to be the person I dare say there would be no cutting oil of heads , or stretching of necks during your time of office . " " God forbid , " answered the hypocritical Montalto , " that I , who expect to die every day , should think of taking away any other person ' s life . "

A conclave of forty-two cardinals assembled for the purpose of electing a new Pontiff , and here Montalto made the best of his infirmities , leaning on his crutch , and affecting a serious cough . His brother cardinals , imbued with the idea that by choosing a man in extremis like Montalto , it would earlier pave the way for themselves , unanimously elected him to the position

of Sovereign Pontiff . The moment this gratifying fact was announced to Sextus , a miracle occurred : — " he threw aside his crutch , and with it all his assumed debility , his body straightened , he smoothed away his wrinkles , his cough ceased , and he joined the * Te Deum ' with a voice so powerful as to show the cardinals that they had caught a Tartar . "

The usual ceremony of prostration followed , and it was during this important function that Cardinal Famese remarked to the mendacious invalid , " Your Holiness seems quite a different sort of man from what you were a few hours ago . " " Yes , " retorted the newly-elected dignitary , " I wi ^ s then louking for the keys of Paradise , which obliged me to stoop ; but now that I have found them it is time to look upwards , for I have reached the summit of all human glory , and can climb no higher in this world . "

At this time there was a remarkable triad of sovereigns : —Elizabeth on the throne of England , Henry IV . upon that of France , and the unscrupulous Sextus V . upon that of Rome . The latter once remarked that " three such princes were sufficient to govern the world . * ' It is said that the Pontiff once spoke thus of Queen Elizabeth , who had jestingly remarked she would have no husband but Pope Sextus : " She is a bighead—that queen ! Could I have espoused her , what a breed of great princes we might have had !"

After the execution of Mary , Queen of Scots , Sextus gave expression to a sentiment which was not shared by his subjects when he applauded Elizabeth's firmness and courage in bringing a crowned head to the block : — " My God ! what a glorious princess 1 " Then , stamping his foot , he said , " What would I not give to have it in my power to signalize myself in the same manner ! " Sextus V . was , according to Werner , in his " Humour of Italy , " the object of many an epigram , and he mentions one of these which appeared in

the form of a dialogue , giving Lett as his authority . " Pasquin * makes his appearance in a very dirty shirt , and being asked by Marforio the reason of this , answers that he cannot procure a clean shirt , because his washerwoman has been made a princess by the Pope ; thus referring to the story that the Pope ' s sister had formerly been a laundress . This soon came to the ears of the Pope , who ordered that the satirist should be sought for and punished severely . All researches , however , were vain . At last by his order , and in his name , placards were posted in the public streets , promising , in case , the

author would reveal his name , to grant him not only his life , but a present of a thousand pistoles ; but threatening , in case of his discovery by any other person , to . hang him forthwith , and give the reward to the informer . The satirist thereupon avowed the authorship , and demanded the money . Sextus , true to the letter of his proclamation , granted him his life , and paid him the one thousand pistoles ; but in utter violation of its spirit , and saying that he had not promised absolution from all punishment , ordered his hands to be struck off and his tongue to be bored , ' to hinder him from being so witty in future . ' "

WONDERFUL SWALLOWS . —A French Abbe ( Peter Daniel Huet ) , who , by the request of Christina the Queen once resided at Stockholm , has , in one of his remarkable books describing Sweden as he saw it two centuries ago , recorded the following statement , which is undoubtedly the outcome of a hoax perpetrated upon the learned but simple divine * . — " The swallows of

Sweden , " says Huet , " at the approach of winter plunge into the lakes and remain asleep and buried underneath the ice till the return of spring . Then , awakened by the returning heat , they leave the water and resume their usual flight . " He adds that " the country-people find black patches in the ice , and that under these are small clusters and bunches of swallows , which they take home and warm into life . "

HOAXING A PBIEST . —Some seventeenth century youths , desirous of amusing themselves at the expense of that great mechanical genius , Father Kircher , engraved several fantastic figures upon a stone , which they afterwards buried in a place where a house was about to be built . The workmen having picked up the stone while digging the foundation , handed it over to the learned antiquarian , who was quite delighted with it , and bestowed much labour and research in explaining the meaning of tbe extraordinary figures upon it .

A CHARLATAN . —That was a colossal forgery committed by Psalmanasar , who was born in France about the year 1679 . By pretending to be a great traveller , he described the island of Formosa ( a pure fiction ) , invented a new language , new characters , and even a new religion , new form of government , and a new calendar , in which the year was divided into twenty months . He hoaxed his contemporaries for a length of time , and whatever place in literature is assigned to him will be through sheer charlatanism .

QUEEN ANNE IS DEAD . —A wag , in the reign of Queen Anne , practised a very successful hoax which is described in fche papers of that period : — " A well-dressed man rode down the king ' s road from Fulham at a most furious rate , commanding each turnpike to be thrown open , as he was a messenger conveying the news of Queen Anne's sudden death . The alarm instantly spread into every quarter of the city ; the trained bands , who were on their parade , desisted from their exercise , furled their colours , and returned home with their arms reversed . The shopkeepers began to collect their sables , when the jest was discovered—not the author of it .

HOAXING A PROFESSOB . — " A young man at Wurzburg , of the name of Roderick , practised a serious deception upon Professor Berenger at the commencement of the last century , " says the "Edinburgh Journal" ( 1846 ) . " Roderick cut a great number of stones into the shape of different kinds of animals and monstrous forms , such as bats with the heads and wings of butterflies , flying frogs and crabs , with Hebrew characters here and there

discernable about the surface . These fabrications were gladly purchased by the Professor , who encouraged the search for more . A new supply was accordingly prepared , and boys were employed to take them to the Professor , pretending thafc they had just found them near the village of Eibelstadt , and charging him dearly for the time which they alleged they had employed in collecting them .